Episode 017: Traumas suppress the voice and wishes of the victim. Therefore, it should come as no surprise that at some point in a holistic recovery they would be about finding their voice after trauma. I can't say enough about Brene Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection!
When I express my feelings, it starts fights
If you find that you have trouble expressing yourself, such as frustration, anger, explosive arguments, followed by disconnection and shutting down - there is hope.
Your inner wishes, opinions, and unique viewpoint deserve to heard in truth in love.
How to Find Your Voice After Trauma
- I invite you to practice working towards developing close, authentic relationships with at least three people.
- Choose people that don't judge you. Instead, choose people that give you unconditional love.
- If you can't find safe people to talk to, then you'll feel emotionally cut-off. Write your story, look for ways to help other people with your experiences. This will help you mend.
- Record YOUR voice on the podcast by clicking on the "Record message..." button along the right side of ptsdacademy.com.
The Top Task in the Womancave or Mancave
What if I'm having relationship problems and I'm not done "finding my voice after trauma"? When we're emotionally overwhelmed, from grief or otherwise, we lose our empathy. There is simply no energy left over (from the Emotional category or body-based Energy Body/Spiritual category, as outlined in The PTSD Blueprint). Attempts at communication often result in frustration, irritation and anger.
Follow my logic here... If the missing ingredient in your journey has been the inability to put any love with your truth. Oh yes, you can tell people your feelings with a lot of negative energy - but that's not communication. Spend time in your mancave or womancave coming up with a nice way to say what you need to. Explain your background, your story. Let the people close to you know how you arrived at your opinions so that they really understand you better.
5 Steps to PTSD Anger Management
- Take frequent breaks from intense engagements (arguments) in order to keep your heart rate down. Speak from your heart, engaging your frontal lobe of your brain.
- Take notes on things you can't answer right away.
- Spend enough time in your womancave or mancave to find a pleasant way to FINISH the previously paused conversations. Don't use the breaks as yet another pattern of avoidance - remember, that didn't work.
- Stay engaged in healthy conversation, no matter difficult to hear facts about your behavior from people that care about you. That said, you shall not be a doormat for anyone.
- When necessary, start over at Step 1.